Emails

Apparently you youngins' think you're big hot shots with your hate mails. I've decided to post them and my responses to get you whippersnappers in line. Luckily I'm a nice guy and wont show your email addresses.

Oh gee, nice one there buster! Obviously your life is so insignificant that you actually have to waste your own time telling people that they are wasting theirs. Old man you say? Ha, this agile frame will outrun your fatass any day of the week. Oh and BTW you have inspired my email section.
-Carl

Just thought I'd let you know, I'm also on you lawn, stealing you internets.
^_^

On my lawn? Ha! I highly doubt that considering my house is guarded by a full bred pit-bull. And stealing my internets? First of all, I use AOL, so good luck stealing that. I also use Norton. And what's with all the asian emotes? Think your a hotshot keyboard user with those? Check this out "dude" (>'-')> <('-'<) ^('-')^ v('-')v <('-'<) ^( )^ (>'-')> ^(^-^)> ......Kirby dance.

first of all i cant believe you use AOL old man
secondly my dog has better HTML skills than u

and lastly you are a goofy mofo who cant open his eyes

GOOD DAY SIR

You can't believe I use AOL huh? That's funny considering YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW. It's common knowledge that AOL is the service internet provider to ALL OTHER IPSs. Also AOL regularly updates, creates, and maintains the internet and its tubes, and has been doing so since 1991. I'm sorry you were born after that and are ignorant of this information. Me 1, You 0.

Old man? Like I said to another one of you rascals, I dare you to challenge me to a foot race. You may be able to talk big and bad over the AOL, but I guarantee you I will fly by you so fast you'd be the one committing to a retirement home. Me 2, You 0.

That's great that your mom knows HTML by the way. I bet she also licks peanut butter off of your jimmy.

Goofy mofo who cant open his eyes? Just because I'm developing cataracts does not mean I can't open my eyes wide enough to see that you have a mild case of down syndrome. Now if you'll excuse me, the man from the AOL has informed me that I have more mail. Oh and incase your not keeping score, Me 3, You 0.

LOL U THINK UR FASTER THAN ME? POOR LITTLE TINK TINK.

My ISP is COX, i dont care if they pay AOL for their bandwidth or tubes, I PAY COX COMMUNICATIONS, THEY ARE MY ISP. nice try.
who the FUCK says that that is common knowledge. show me a site or SOMETHING but no joke that 4 sure AINT COMMON KNOWLEDGE CONSIDERING I HAVE DEGREES IN NETWORKING TECHNOLOGIES. but i want u to try to school me so lets see something at least

and my mom doesnt know html, i do lol

u goofy mofo u seemed cooler on ur website to email, not so upset and defensive...

AOL is for noobs.

You pay for COX eh? That doesn't surprise me now adays with all of these rainbow flags I've been seein. How is it not common knowledge that AOL is the internet? America invented the internet, America Online is the internet, it doesn't get any clearer! You must have gotten your degree from Asshat Community College.

The joke was that since you said your dog knew html, I referred to your dog as your mom, but apparently you have the comprehension skills of a teenager, and that flew right over your head. WHOOSH. AOL is not for noobs by the way, and as the youngins' would say in the counter strike servers, "l2p".

Date: Fri, Jan 23, 2009 at 1:38 AM
Subject: Fuck you u racist son of a motherfucking bitch.
From: Luke

I am 13 and I know more fucking HTML code that your fucking face you homosexual wanker. Why do you just fuck off and stop pissing people off you lousy son of a bitch. You probably live your mom and have gay sex with her at night. Your mom is a gay shit whore.

I am speeding thruogh the fucking internet on Ultra high speed broadband and you are on lousy fucking A fucking O fucking L. A-O-L. You megabitch.

I will pwn your fucking wanker gay shit ass any day. You fucking racist Mexican immigrant. Go back to fucking Mexico, senorita, drink your fucking tequila and spend the night with a spanish lesbian whore, coz I know you like it both ways. I will DDOS you fucking son of a bitch.

Ever seen that fucking youtube clip, it's called FUCK YOU.

And one last fucking thing, STOP FUCKING SWEARING you SON OF A MEXICAN BITCH!

Regards,
Your FUCKING FACE ON SPEED.

P.S. FUCK

Well Jesus tap dancing Christ in a Buddhist's taxi cab. You do certainly make it evident that you are 13 you KNUCKLEHEAD. So you say you're speeding through the intertubes as well eh? It seems like your parents are trying to speed you through their lives as well, considering the nice language and morals they taught you. As well as the fact that your parents will only buy you broadband, and not a new 56k modem direct from the AOL warehouse.

Trust me, I could out HTML your piggly ass while simultaneously responding to your email. BAM BAM BAM. see that? That's line breaks almost as fast as your dad left your mother when you were born.

DDOS me? BAH! What are you going to do with a command prompt? Change directory to your D: drive and render me useless? Jiminy Crickets! And the only movie I've ever seen on a youtube was sent to me by a very loyal fan, it's a shame I don't care much for Rick Astley.

dude, what the fuck? your website is shit. You have no design skills. You suck at html. Have you even heard of php?
and your an ugly old piece of shit that doesn't even know how to type, let alone speak proper English.

"I JUST GOT MY NEW 56K MODEM, I AM FLYING THROUGH THESE INTERNETS!"
you'd be "flying through THE internet"

fucking dumbass.

and your website has two fucking pages, whats the point???

make a myspace fuckwad!

and you are a stupid fuckwad! did I mention that?

And you really have no business using the internet.
You're too old, and you have no idea what you're doing.

and FUUUUCK AOL omg aol sucks donkey balls it slows the fuck out of your pc did you know that???
you suck at life.

Looks like somebody has the case of the Saturdays. I'm sorry you are up at 1:30am on a Saturday, instead of being at one of those parties I always call the police to. Sounds like you need some friends. Make myspace? This is my space you IMBECILE. Looks like you need to log off the AOL, not me. How am I stupid? Considering the fact that you have no idea how the internet works. I wish the AOL would just ban all you kids that are under 18 from using their tubes. It would make it a lot easier on me and the rest of the REAL tube users. (AKA Bill Jobs and Steve Gates.)

Also, AOL does not "slow" my pc down. I have 128mb of Random Access Memory! That is more then AOL will ever need, and it also happens to be the number of times you've had intercourse with a male.

-Carl

I'd like to say thank you to all the good lads that send pleasant emails. Also it seems that UK kids are very well behaved, due to the increased friendly mails I receive from them. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009 at 6:50 PM
Subject: I'm a teenager and I love your website
From: XXXX@gmail.com

Hilarious man I laughed my ass off (figuratively) when I clicked to your site

Keep up the good fun!

Hi,
If you are really that person on the picture of the website, I think it's great that you are making this website.. you know, no offense but you seem like a 50+ years old guy.. and I think that is great seeing adult people trying to make use of their HTML skills :)

Website bookmarked... :)

Thanks Carlos, glad to see not all you teenagers are a menace to society! Tell your schoolmates to quit driving down my street with their music so loud!